How to fall in love… with yourself

Lao Tzu quote

We live in a world where finding “The One” is more important than finding yourself, when in reality, it should be the other way around. I think it’s starting to be higher on our priorities now more than ever, but there’s still work to be done.

We are all familiar with the typical things we say to ourselves when we’re feeling low. I’m fat. I’ll never good enough. I’m not smart enough. I’ll never be able to do that job. My writing sucks. My art sucks. I suck.

Stop. Seriously.

Don’t get me wrong, I am so guilty of doing this. Sometimes I wake up and feel great, like I can take on the world. And other days, I feel ugly and boring and so far from who I want to be.

But what makes me think any of the things about me are bad? What is beautiful? Smart? Exciting? Brave? Fun?

It’s different for everyone. So on that note, let’s jump in.

Practice positive self-talk

This will always be number one because it’s the most important lesson of all. Next time you’re having a bad day, listen to the things you’re saying to yourself.

I know this is going to sound cliché, but if your friend was saying nasty things about herself/himself, would you stand there and agree? No! You’d probably give them a long speech about how awesome, gorgeous, fun, smart and amazing they are. So why the heck don’t we say that to ourselves when we’re blue?

Write down what you love. Put it on a post it. Hang it on your bedside table, mirror or by your door so it’s the first thing you see before you start your day. If you’re not feeling fab, remember, you are your own best friend, so treat yourself like one. Don’t worsen the pain by calling yourself mean things. Pep yourself up.

Did you know, if you buy two of the same plant, give it the same amount of sun and water and care, but you say hate to one plant and loving things to another, the hate one will die faster? Don’t kill your soul. Be nice.

Appreciate other people’s qualities, but don’t compare yourself

“There’s room for everyone.”

This is another big one. There’s nothing wrong with thinking someone is admirable or gorgeous. And just because they are those things, doesn’t mean you aren’t. Nobody’s success takes away from your own. Nobody’s magic takes away from your magic. There’s room for everyone. So love that person up and then do the same for yourself.

Do things that make you feel happy and empowered

If you’re not feeling your best, then do something about it. Do something comforting if you’re anxious, sad, self-conscious. Exercise, cook, go out with your friends.

If you’re bored with your life, take that class you’ve always wanted to try, apply to that job. Take a risk.

“Your confidence will soar if you put yourself first sometimes.”

Just do something. You have control over your life even when it feels chaotic. It starts in your mind and changes when you take action. Some things take longer to change, but you’re never going to move forward or feel better if you keep doing what you’re doing. Practice self-care and go get what you want. Your confidence will soar if you put yourself first sometimes.

And remember, you can’t take care of your loved ones if you’re constantly low on fuel.

Don’t try to fit in

We have this notion in our minds that if we’re different, something is wrong with us. But how boring would life be if you met the same, cookie cutter person all the time? We’d be miserable.

I’m convinced the world would literally end because we need different people to make shit happen. Sounds dramatic, but think about it. If we all liked the same look, we’d be fighting over the same person. If we all had the same skill, this world would be seriously one dimensional and a lot of things would fail. We wouldn’t make much progress.

The point is, you will make a difference because there is nobody like you. Isn’t that great?

At the end of the day, we need to stop the emotional violence that takes control of our mind, body and soul. Replace it with positivity and kindness. There is absolutely nothing wrong with doing something for you. You’ll be a better friend, mother, father, lover, etc.

And the best part? You’ll find yourself falling in love with the wonderful, brave and amazing you.

The five biggest lessons I’ve learned …so far

With every lesson, comes a lot of learning. Here are the ones I live by.

Trust your intuition

“We think we’re mundane beings with no powers, but in reality, our superpower is our intuition.”

This is the rule to live by – it encompasses all other rules. Does something feel right? Trust it. Does something feel wrong? Trust it. We think we’re mundane beings with no powers, but in reality, our superpower is our intuition… our natural instinct. There have been times my intuition has saved my life, and other times where it opened up wonderful opportunities. I wrote and published my first short story Rust based on a real experience I had. It’s the biggest lesson I’ve ever learned, and I honestly believe nothing will ever beat it.

Let go of toxic people

Feeling anxious, unhappy, maybe even sick? Look at the company you keep. You’ll probably make excuses at first.

“But if I let them go, I’ll have no friends?” However, if you let them go, you might actually be happier and attract healthier people, you know, the ones who are actually good friends.

“But he has been good to me in the past, like.. remember that one time?” Whether it be a boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend or family member, emotional abuse is a real and very valid thing and I’ve had strong firsthand experiences with it. Do I remember the occasional good time with that person? Sure. Does it override the bad? Absolutely not. And to be honest, I’m so much happier without them – and that’s not a bad thing to admit.

Never live up to other’s expectations over your own

“If you stay true to yourself, you won’t regret your choice when you’re on your deathbed.”

People will clobber you with their own opinions, limitations and expectations. But your right as a living, breathing human is to own your choices and your path. If you have a vision for your life, one that will make your soul sing, then go for it. If someone else thinks it’s boring, small, lame or out of reach – don’t listen. Lead a life you value. The right people will support you. And maybe the people you love the most won’t understand and that’s okay. If you stay true to yourself, you won’t regret your choices when you’re on your deathbed.

Believe in the impossible, because it’s possible

This is kind of linked to the previous point, but it’s an important lesson to learn.

I want to be a screenwriter. The first thought in your head was probably, “But Sal, nobody makes it.” You’re actually wrong, tons of people make it. You know that show you’re binging on Netflix? Whoever wrote it was told the exact same thing. But guess what? They didn’t believe you. They believed in themselves. And now they have a show on Netflix.

There are people who love you …and people who won’t

“Stop tearing yourself down just because someone else doesn’t click with your uniqueness.”

….and that’s okay! You will never make everyone happy. You will never click with every single person. It may be uncomfortable, but that’s the beauty in life. You think you’re an outcast? You’re not! There’s someone out there who will totally dig you. Feel like you can’t make someone happy? Stop trying! You’ll be enough for someone else. Your crush isn’t into you? Next! There will be someone who shares your feelings.

Stop tearing yourself down just because someone else doesn’t click with your uniqueness. Think about everyone you’ve ever disliked – are they bad people or just not your cup of tea? Striving for someone’s affection and approval when they just won’t give it is toxic and exhausting. If you accept it, you’ll be a happier person, and you’ll have more time to appreciate the ones who adore you.

What are the most important lessons you’ve learned? Comment below.

Sincerely,

Sally